Do you remember the 2008 Burger King Whopper Virgins commercials testing the Whopper against the Big Mac? They used Eskimos, who prefer Seal meat, tribespeople from Thailand, and some fellows from Transylvania. That’s Vampire territory, right?

What struck me as funny were the little headpieces the Transylvania guys wore. Was it a joke, or do they really wear those things? The Producers of the commercials swore no actors were used and nothing was fake. Frankly, I thought Burger King was messing around with us because all the characters in the films were dressed in their ceremonial garb, usually worn only once or twice a year for festivals and celebrations, not day-to-day. I couldn’t find any pictures on the Internet suggesting the toppers were real, so I am wondering if guys from Transylvania were upset by the stereotype being conveyed by Burger King.

The ads made them look pretty silly, and I worry about Vampire terrorists in my future. Could these portrayals cause them to begin attacking us in our sleep? “Leave the Transylvania guys alone, Mr. Burger King Executive.” Political correctness is real, especially if the absence of it can lead to blood-sucking intruders flying into our homes or accosting us in dark alleys and draining our fluids.

During the 50s men wore hats all the time. It was a part of the business uniform. An insurance salesman coming to your home to sit at the kitchen table and sell you policies usually wore a fedora or maybe a bowler. They were stylish and tasteful. But the guys in the Burger King commercials looked kind of stupid. “Sorry, Mr. Transylvania Man if I am hurting your feelings, but you should rethink your wardrobe.” If there is something festive about the accessory, then maybe you should keep it “under your hat.” I’m afraid seeing you in public will cause me to stare or snicker. It just doesn’t seem worth the comparison of the flame-broiled, 1/4-pound beef patty, with lettuce, mayonnaise, pickles, tomatoes, onions, ketchup on a sesame seed bun to the two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun.

Today most people seem to be wearing baseball-style caps; the greasy-lined lids they slide on and off with little thought of hygiene. Most of them are used to hide baldness or the lack of shampooing. It’s easier to throw on a cap and ride to the nearest breakfast drive-thru than it is to take a shower and clean the hair. I haven’t noticed anyone in my neighborhood wearing the silly Transylvania hats displayed in the BK commercials. So, “Come on Burger King, show what they really wear.” There is no way they are donning the ridiculous lids portrayed in the advertisements. If they are, then my appreciation of differing cultures is being challenged, and I will have to laugh with the rest of the world. Those hats were comical.

What would be the function of the headdresses? They are small and barely fit the noggins of the testers, so it can’t be for warmth. They probably have some religious or celebratory purpose. There are little tassels hanging from the side with a brim, and they sit on top in some sort of hysterical display, like an Organ Grinder’s Monkey. If you watched the commercials, you know what I mean. It cracked me up every time I saw them, and I wonder if the “actors” felt as silly as they looked. I’m sure they weren’t really Vampires; most likely American Thespians with a Transylvania look, possessing dark, evil eyes.

I don’t suppose it would do any good to write Homeland Security and warn them of the danger to our society due to Burger King’s insensitivity by running a commercial making buffoons out of suspected Vampires. They would just tell me to knock it off and stop being paranoid. But, if I wake up some night and there is a bat in a hat hovering over my bed, I’m gonna dress up like Ronald McDonald, hunt down the Burger King and kick his ass.

With Love,

Bake My Fish

8 thoughts on “Bats in Hats

  1. Being a Milliner…I truly enjoyed your bats and hats article.
    Personally I think that bat that was featured the red fedora, was a Pimp Daddy Bat. I have seem his kind before out on the Strip. Usually with a bunch of girl bats hangin’ out with him, dressed in sleazy see through clothing and high heels.

    Southern smiles and world peace,
    ~The Baby Boomer Queen~


  2. OH yes, one more thing…did anyone but me notice the resemblance between Peter Lorre and the Pug dog with the Fez hat? Do I hear “Play it again Sam,” in the background?

    ~The Baby Boomer Queen~


  3. How come the burgers at BK do not look like that one?
    That is my question to you…
    And will some one please knock that silly smile off of Ronald. Give me the Hamburgler any day!

    ~The Baby Boomer Queen~


  4. I a întemeia al tău site while privire la spre buy un pălărie online. I sînt înăuntru America right acum şi a face nu appreciate al tău remarks despre our headwear. Tu eşti nu un foarte drăguţ bărbat Mr. peşte


  5. The bat in the hat just had me spitting my coffee I laughed so hard. I have a rant blog called The Brat in the Hat – maybe I actually should have called it The Old Bat in a Hat, lol!

    I’m so glad I found you over at Twitter – I get little tweet giggles and now I found your blog. BTW, thanks for the link love – I shall pop this blog into The PopArtDiva Boomer Blog links, my readers will love your sense of humor!


  6. Hi. I just came over from Twitter. Thanks for being a follower 🙂 This is a very nice site and I definitely appreciate the humor. That creature in the red hat is scary. I’d rather have fish under my bed opposed to that thing any day 🙂


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